As a noted cheapskate, I've taken to shopping in Aldi, the supermarket for the financially challenged.
The first thing you notice (apart from the fact that the store appears to be staffed entirely by robots) are the brand names.
They're almost-nearly-famous brand names in packs that look almost-nearly-like-famous-brand-names.
Yet, somehow, I feel they're missing a trick. It's all pretty humourless and they need to turn their punning up to eleven. So, Mr Herr Aldi, here are the brand names you SHOULD be using:
- I can't believe it's not I can't believe it's not butter
- Fuck yeah, this isn't butter either
- Superb Noodles
- Super Poodles
- Sugar Are-you-calling-me-a-puff?
- Porn Flakes
- Birds Arse Fish Thing-ers
- Whine-a-lot dog meat (100% real dog)
- Vulva spring water
And of course, get the religious types in which your divine cooking fat: Our Lard Jesus Christ