The Great Sky Meat Mystery: Shocking new updates

Shocking new developments in the case of Sky Meat Lady, our scantily-clad upstairs neighbour with a bent for throwing raw meat out of her kitchen window into our front garden.

While previous offerings have been almost exclusively of a meat persuasion, with the odd bit of gratuitous nudity, offerings of Sky Meat have virtually dried up. And with the exception of the odd bread roll, our garden has been - thankfully - remarkably clear of food.

That is, until the other morning, as I left for work.

For there, resting against a tree, were the remains of a cauliflower. A cauliflower that had clearly been beaten to death at some stage in the previous 12 hours, and thrown from a height (for eg an upstairs kitchen window). Our forensic experts tell us the assailant may have been both female and partially clothed.

There is only one conclusion we can make from this grim discovery: Sky Meat Lady has renounced her vegetarianism.