Wednesday, November 07, 2012

The return of ELITE, because I haven't got anything planned for the rest of my life

Elite - the classic BBC Micro computer game from the 80s IS BACK. All the developers need is a trifling £1.25m, and the greatest 8-bit game ever developed by man or machine will make a return to our computer screens, and not a moment too soon.

Yes, I'm excited by this, mainly because the original Elite was one of the major reasons I failed my A-Levels, and I fear I haven't destroyed my life enough as it is. Elite to blame, plus Samantha Fox Strip Poker. And pubs.

Elite was a huge step forward in computer gaming, and cemented the Model B's reputation over and above the crappy Spectrum and C-64s of the day. With the disc-drive version, you didn't even have to wait half an hour to load the game, and once you knew the hacks, you could update your craft to insane levels of weaponry. 

I eschewed the joystick and played the game through the keyboard AS GOD INTENDED. In spaceflight, this meant all ten fingers and thumbs active at once as vital command keys controled direction, speed, weapons, navigation and defence systems. This - I am certain - gave me (I am told by the wallahs at Biggin Hill) the best ever score they had ever seen on their computer-based pilot aptitude test, while the fact that I failed on the interview says everything you need to know about the people skills I failed to develop thanks to Elite, Samantha Fox Strip Poker, and pubs.

While I was in my bedroom hacking naked, grainy pictures of Samantha Fox and shooting up aliens, other people were out there, doing normal things like revising for exams and getting a life. But then, none of these people achieved the sought-after rank of --- E L I T E ---. The words "Right on, Commander!" mean nothing - NOTHING - to them. They've never been to Bixein.

Also, they don't have a Cobra MkIII space cruiser under a tarpaulin on their drive, awaiting the spare parts that will get it through its MoT.

The one thing which might blow your mind about Elite is the fact that they fit an entire space trading game with passable wire-frame graphics and real-time shoot-em-up into a tiny 32kB of memory. In these days of memory-hungry applications, that is approximately 0.8 seconds of music (the exact time it takes to sing "Scaramouche!", I am told), or the amount of brain-power required for the average YouTube user to leave the words "You faget" as a comment.

While emulator versions of Elite already exist on the internet, this new version - built by the original team that sapped all the time out of my teenage years - looks like its going to add multi-player functionality and whole new ways of accidentally crashing your ship into the docking bay doors. And heaven knows, I haven't got anything important planned for the next three decades or so.

So: The Computer Nerd's Prayer: If you build it, they will come (in their pants).
 
(The ELITE connoisseur may notice that the BBC report shows - and possibly condones - illegal attacks on police space craft whilst flying in "Safe" space around a space station. Is this the kind of behaviour the BBC wants to encourage? I am disgusted)

8 comments:

TRT said...

I believe it actually occupied only 22kB, less than this comment. Probably.
I can't believe you haven't plugged kickstarter already. I signed up with a pledge as soon as I heard the news.
The follow up game Elite:Frontier, which I had on the excellent Amiga, majorly sucked Thargoid dong as it guru'd every second hyperspace jump. Grrr!
There is something terribly clunky and satisfying about the BBC keyboard, and indeed keyboard is the control method I still prefer for every game where it is an option.

Chris JC said...

I watched that Braben interview, but unfortunately he used the phrase "going forward" so I'm afraid I have had no choice but to disregard anything he has ever said.

TRT said...

I think that was an acceptable use of "going forward". The exact quote was "but also, with time, we will look at other platforms going forward", which I took to mean "going forward (ahead) with transporting the code to other platforms".

Not the inexcusable use as exemplified by some covering the US election. They said things like "And what does the future hold for the Republican party going forward?"


HairyBiker81 said...

Speaking as someone who obtained (without cheating) the rank of "Elite", I'd love to play this again. I played the game at my place of work (you know where, Scary) in every lunch and dinner break for months...and even entered the national contest (I didn't win!). Ah, happy days...

Richard said...

That Cobra MkIII under a tarpaulin. It's your camper van, isn't it.

Alistair Coleman said...

Yes. Yes it is

Zimmer said...

Discovered OOlite in the last 12months.. :)

Late nights hunched over a USB keyboard and a Linux distribution to play it on.... (whereas it was an Acorn Electron in the good old days - once the kids had been packed off to bed..)

Made the mistake of selling the brand new Cobra III for a second-hand MkII loaded with weapons and gear . Did not help the acquisition of credits (drove like Scary's VW camper van, needed constant maintenance), but was more fun in early game combat...

HairyBiker81 said...

Why don't you fuck off you sad prick!