To the Pencil Museum in Keswick, home of the World's largest pencil. I have questions.
Me: Has anybody from a rival pencil museum ever sneaked in with the world's largest pencil sharpener to take a couple of feet off your world's largest pencil so they could steal the title?
Them: No, that hasn't happened.
Me: Well, today's your lucky day!
[Brandishes huge pencil sharpener]
Them: Please leave
Me: PENS RULE!
Them: We're calling the police