Thursday, January 17, 2013

On not actually giving blood

So, I went to give blood, and after heeding advice not to mention a) Tony Hancock and b) vampires, I set to filling in the necessary paperwork. And while I thoroughly understand their fear of the Bad AIDS - man - the donor questionnaire is HARSH: 

Have you ever partied like an S Club Party?
Have you ever borrowed a sleeping bag from a male nurse?
Do you own a CD copy of Michael Bolton's "Timeless: The Classics"?
Do you find Jim Davidson funny?
How do you like your steak cooked?
Have you ever visited a Harvester before?
Daddy or chips?
Are you a Benny tied to a tree?
Have you got Skill?
What underwear are you wearing right now? Describe it for me.
If - by slim chance - it all goes horribly wrong and we accidentally go through an artery and kill you utterly to death, can we have your DVD collection?

Then they found out I'd been to the dentist in the last week and sent me packing, without even the promised tea and biscuits and crisps. All I was left with was the free parking permit ("I'M GIVING BLOOD") in my car windscreen  and a smug sense of self-satisfaction built on LIES.


Kaptain Kobold said...

It's harsher here. If you've lived in Britain, forget it; do not pollute good Aussie stock with your foul bodily fluids.

TRT said...

That's because people in the UK have blood types of O, A, B or AB. Australians have XXXX.

MrBiscuits said...

It's much easier once you have done the first donation. They have dozens of tests they do on your blood everytime, but the questions don't change. So long as you haven't done anything silly in the previous 4 months it's a formality.

Do go back, it's a really worthwhile thing.

Richard Wintle said...

We have those questions about how long you might have spent in the UK, too... "x many days in aggregate over the last 10 years", that kind of thing. Requires a good memory and some math sk1llz to answer correctly.

However, I visited Thailand in 2012, so I think I'm now likely banned for life. Even though the hotel I was staying in was cleaner and more hygienic than my home.