Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Coleman's Laws of Commuting by Car

Law 0. You are going to be late. Don't try to fight it.

Law 1. No matter how early you leave, the journey time expands so you always arrive at the same time

Law 2. The lorry that nips in front of you at the end of your road will also be driving past the front door of your workplace (See Law 1)

Law 3. Traffic lights phased to allow free flow of traffic are also phased so that every light on your route will turn red just as you reach them (See Law 1)

Law 4. All other vehicles in front of you want to turn right at some point (See Law 1)

Law 5. The Highway Code is suspended during the School Run (See Law 1)

Law 6. Rat runs, short cuts and alternative routes will spit you out into the queue two cars behind your original starting point (See Law 1)

Law 7. Every other driver does not share your relaxed attitude to the rules of the road (See Law 1)

Law 8. Road works on one side of town have random effects several miles away. See also: Cars breaking down, somebody nipping into a Spar corner shop for a newspaper (See Law 1)

Law 9. Have your excuse ready.


Unknown said...

Ha ha and don't we all know those laws. Pawsome!
Have a wonderful Wednesday.
Best wishes Molly

Gonzoland said...

Solution: Move home to where you work and change job so that you work near to where you lived.
See left side photo of car going in the opposite direction along an empty fast lane.
Play the "Laughing Policeman" song at high volume with the windows rolled down.

Ellie said...

You could apply the same (or similar) rules to travel by tube (or metro). Only adjust the other drivers to other passengers. School kids to tourists etc.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't stand traffic jams every day! I commute by bike. It takes me 20min for each way. I guess I am lucky!