Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Easter Eggs: God vs Chocolate (Chocolate wins)

They say the Devil has the best tunes, and whoever "they" are, they are correct. What these people don't mention is that the Devil also has the best Easter eggs.

This time of year, the shelves are stacked with chocolate eggs made by companies that would set fire to your face and steal your bedroom furniture given half the chance. And they are the best eggs, with reams of chocolate, novelty mugs, novelty egg-cups and tons of sweets inside. The kind of egg that has small children bowking rich brown vomit all over Easter Sunday.

So, this year, Jane's parents (who are not religious in the slightest) gave us a religious Easter egg. We suspect that it is because it is Fair Trade and not made by a certain company that would set fire to your head given half the chance, rather than any misguided attempt to God Me Up.

Not being religious in the slightest, and in the face of a chocolate crisis, we ate it on the Monday before Easter. IN YOUR FACE, JESUS!

And what can you expect from this Fair Trade Jesus Egg in a crowded market of reams of chocolates, novelty mugs, novelty egg-cups and tons of sweets?

Answer: A leaflet showing a man being betrayed by his friend and subsequently executed, and the taste of disappointment.

God, if you're out there, you've got a lot of catching up to do. Next year, how about a novelty egg cup in the shape of a Grail?


Lynchie from Aberdeen said...

Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer's Testicles?
The Truth About Easter Eggs
(Recommended for Parents of Christian Children ages 4-22) -by Dr. Daniel Cameroon

Gonzoland said...

"And my grandpa came in, saw what we were doing, vomited instinctively onto both of us, kicked little Macel in the head (and sent her straight home to Jesus) and beat the sweet and merciful love of the Lord Jesus Christ into my wretched soul right there on the kitchen floor."

Anonymous said...

Putting the eggs aside for a moment, perhaps the story about Judas has been taken out of context. IF Jesus was the son of God and was acting out a pre-planned scenario, then perhaps Judas was merely acting on the word and wishes of God (IF there is a God) on the understanding that his name and reputation would be tarnished forever in the name of the greater good. If Judas had not 'betrayed' Jesus, then no arrest would have been made (at that time), no crucifiction, no resurrection, and no Christianity. It is possible that the teachings of Christ would have ended up the way that the teachings of Ron L Hubbard are regarded - ignored or treated with contempt apart from a bunch of naive nit-wits being maniupulated by a power and money hungry mafia.
Now, back to the choccy.