Today, I have been mostly making out my will. Not that I'm planning to die any time in the near future, it's just that I've a new light switch to go up in the bathroom, and I'm not too special with a screwdriver. I've gone for the easy route. Mrs Scary and the Scaryducklings get my entire fortune, except my priceless porn collection which will go to my brother along with the special razor for shaving your hairy palms. However, I am more than willing to change my mind. So, if you represent any religion, cult or belief that can promise me an endless supply of naked virgins in the afterlife, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Now, this got me thinking about funeral music. No organs. Absolutely no "All Things Bright and Beautiful", even if it has got that line about "the purple headed mountain" that never fails to get a laugh. Nope. I'm going for the three-pronged attack.
1. Going Underground by The Jam. Because, let's face it, I am.
2. Song to the Siren by This Mortal Coil. That'll separate the men from the boys.
3. Agadoo by Black Lace. Leave 'em smiling. And I WILL insist on all the hand movements, especially from the vicar.
And let me leave you with a passing thought: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandad did. And not screaming "AAAAAARGH! Look out for the cliff!" like his passengers."
That is all.
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