Deportivo Wanka

Deportivo Wanka

In a moment of idiocy, I decided to put together a football team which I shall call Double Entendre XI. In the end I managed to get no less than seventeen players - past and present - to play for the filthiest team on the planet:

1. David Seaman
2. Danny Shittu
3. Rod Fanni
4. Raphael Scheidt
5. Berndt Haas
6. Nicky Butt
7. Nwankwo "Mr Sex" Kanu
8. Uwe Fuchs
9. Paul Dickov
10. Wayne Wanklin
11. Joseph Desire Hand Job

Subs:
12. Lopez Ufarte
13. Argelico Fucks
14. Tony Woodcock
15. Julian Dicks
16. Dean Windass
17. Joaquim Manuel Silva Quim

Manager: Stefan Kuntz

In an ideal world, they would all be playing at Young Boys' Wankdorf stadium in Switzerland in a filth-match against Peru's Deportivo Wanka. Sponsored, naturally, by Turkish bank Arcelik.

If I was Roman Abramovich, I'd stop all this mucking about with Chelsea right now, and do my damnedest to make this happen. It would be this: aces. In fact, I'd have the players out on the park right now, practicing like ...err... buggery. I want to see Wanklin and Dickov lobbing Seaman on a regular basis, or you're not playing.

Book!

And while we're on the footie theme, get your filthy hands on a copy of It's Up for Grabs Now...", a collection of stories dedicated to the events of 26 May 1989 - the night Arsenal Football Club won the league title in dramatic style and changed the history of the world, like, forever.

And I'm in it, which makes it this: aces.

All profits of this reasonably priced, yet superb offering go to the Marc Fisher Trust in memory of David Rocastle, who played for the Arsenal on that glorious booze-soaked night.

Buy-me-do!