If this is Thursday, then this must be Vote-o

If this is Thursday, then this must be Vote-o

You, dear reader, will no doubt be pleased to hear that I have managed to drag myself away from my regular routine of running the planet and laser treatment for the scrotal dandruff, and have got my head down to write some new Scary Stories. And not before time, as the supply, like my tender areas, was wearing rather thin. Vote-me-up, then, on the following tales of mirth and woe:

* Haunted Holiday - "A bloke keeps ringing me and singing 'Stand And Deliver' down the line. I keep telling him he's got the wrong number, but he's adamant."
* Cubs' Camp - "My computer doesn't have a hard drive. I just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorise numbers."
* Party - "It's at times like this, I ask myself 'What would the Baby Jesus do?' And, after long and reasoned thought, I am certain that the answer would be 'Kick your arse into next week.' Praise Him!"
* Top Trumps - "It's like a puzzle wrapped up in a conundrum, stuffed up a dog's arse."

Vote-me-do!

Top Five things that can be improved with the addition of an FM radio

5. The Titanic
4. Breasts
3. Saturn V rocket
2. Elton John's partner David Furnish
1. An FM radio

Top Five Rejected Spice Girls

5. Fisting Spice
4. Hung like a horse Spice
3. Rosemary West Spice
2. Heroin Spice [original name for Posh - FACT!]
1. Naked Soapy Tit-Wank Spice

Top fives are officially this: aces.