A lack of woe

A lack of woe

This is me, all broadbanded up. I’ve heard all the horror stories about getting broadband. “Woe” is broadband’s middle name.

“You’ll get ripped off.”

“It’ll take you WEEKS to install it, and it’ll utter bugger up your PC.”

“Your old ISP will never let you leave. They’re all crooks.”

So I bought broadband from TalkTalk. I paid for 512kBps, no download limits, plus free phone-calls, forever, at twenty quid a month. Two days later, a package arrived containing a plug-in modem, some modulator wossnames for the phone sockets and a disc.

It worked first time, and I find I am connected at a massive 2.2MBps. Also, a two minute phone-call to Wanadoo went something like this:

“Hello? Scaryduck here, I’d like to cancel my Wanadoo Anytime contract please.”

“Right you are, Mr Duck, we’ll refund your existing credit.”

*click*

The lack of woe in this entire situation disturbs me somewhat, and makes for rather unfunny reading when I post it on these pages, even when I ramp up the mirth for comic effect. Something, somewhere, somehow has got to go wrong with hilarious results, and yet…. I feel strangely unfulfilled.

Real woe, then, in the form of the following four stories for tomorrow:

* Foot in mouth – faux pas woe
* Hawk – air force woe
* Party II – hairy-arsed biker woe, with a special *spoons* celebrity *spoons* guest
* Incy Wincy – evil eight-legged bastard woe.

You only come here for the woe, so do your duty. Choose one. Choose!

Also: Penguin latest.