Ebay Scammer Ahoy!

Ebay Scammer Ahoy!

I am selling a laptop on Ebay. Stupidly, I put on a “Buy It Now” button, a magnet for scammers, idiots and timewasters. And yes, who should “buy” my machine? A zero-feedback buyer who wants me to ship it to Lagos.

Lagos. That’s Lagos in Nigeria, and not Lagos in the UK. After all, did not the sale say, in large letters, “UK BUYERS ONLY”? That’s OK, Mr Scammer tells me, here is my address in the UK. It’s a B&B in Slough, an address picked up from a google search. I give them a ring on the phone number I, too, found on a google search. They’ve never heard of him.

So: Get lost, I tell him.

He writes again:

“But I am Pastor Useless Workshy Cunt of a Scammer, buying a laptop for my wife, who is doing missionary work in the UNITED STATE. Please ship the machine to me in Lagos.”

The old church gambit. Seen it, laughed at it, bought the pills.

“Dear “Pastor” UWCOA Scammer,

I note you only registered with Ebay today. I also note you have given a false UK address. I also also note that Lagos is outside the UK, while my sale listing says “UK buyers only” on two occasions.

Just a suggestion: Why doesn’t your “wife” buy a machine in the UNITED STATE, where there is a plentiful supply?

Do you want to keep digging, or shall we end this now with the traditional Ju-ju curse?

Yrs etc, Scary

I shall keep you informed. In the meantime, laptop anyone? A bargain: 92,000 Nigerian Niara, ono.