The Thursday Vote-o: Celebrity Swears edition

The Thursday Vote-o: Celebrity Swears edition

In a new and exciting twist to the world of internet mankery, today's Thursday vote-o will be delivered in the style of a TV game show. Didn't they do well?

Party III: "Look son, you're a useless bastard, and as far as I'm concerned you're just not cut out to sell sex toys. You're fired."

Meat: It was to be the last edition of Stars in Their Eyes Kids. Even as little Johnny Dexter uttered the words "Tonight Cat, I'm going to be Gary Glitter", the nation's streets echoed to the sound off boot hitting TV screen.

Gaylord: "We asked 100 people for things they do in the kitchen and you say..." "Masturbate into the wife's dinner."

Scat: "Stephen Hawking! Come on down!!! Oh, you can't."

Bad Dog III: The Kitchen Massacre: "And for the star prize," said Wogan, "here is tonight's Blankety Blank Supermatch: BLANK showers."

In the words of Paxman: Well? Get on with it!


Fridays, down the pub

This from locally-based spies:

Our local has a Friday tradition where a couple of shifty Chinese fellas come in of the evening, going from table to table selling porno DVDs.

All well and good, except they go from table to table shouting "Want DVD? Want porno?" at the top of their voices, and will make sure that the entire pub knows if you have a "special" request.

"Sir! We get golden showers for you! Next week! Next week!"

After intense speculation as to whether the landlord gets a cut of the proceeds, it was universally declared that he doesn’t. It just balances out the subsequent Salvation Army invasion an hour or so later. God knows what might happen should they ever meet.

My spies assure me they do not own a DVD player, nor to they ever intend to. Right.