B3ta questions of the week

"Paging Dr Freud"

To make up for the fact that I am working in that there London today, and haven't prepared anything for your reading pleasure, another bunch of B3ta questions of the week, in which the mankiest depths of my soul are laid bare. Sorry.

My first love

My first love was a leggy blonde woman in a bikini and large basooms who would frequent the pool where I was learning to swim.

I hatched a plan where I would somehow sneak up behind my nameless love on my bike, kidnap her, and keep her tied up in my basement until she learned to love me.

Like all the best plans, it was doomed to failure from the start.

I blame the insurmountable age difference.

I was five.

"What essential items do you always carry?" - Spare lucky pants

Oh, how they laughed!

"Ha ha hahahahaaaaaaaagh and his spare pants," they mocked, "Ha!"

And thussly, I was the only one not walking like John Wayne after he'd been bummed by a dog, when the pub crawl arrived at the wrong kebab house.

Spare pants: yes.

Also: a penknife and a camera, just in case of bumming dogs.


What Crappy Prizes have you won?" - A Radio phone-in...

...which just goes to show my lack of judgement in the first place.

Using my skill and judgment to identify The Beloved's "Sweet Harmony" played backwards on Reading's ALL NEW 2-TEN FM, I won two FREE tickets to the Skoda International Snooker Championships televised to huge national indifference at the Reading Hexagon.

First Qualifying Round, Monday afternoon session. Face value: 1 (one) english pound. On my way to the venue, I noticed panicking sponsors giving away armfuls of free tickets to passing shoppers, who, in the main, refused. The lucky bastards.