Alexander the gr8

The bestest thing Scaryduck Jr has ever done, ever

"Dad - can I take your book to school?"

"Err... the nice one about the penguins that live in a fish and chip shop*, or the sweary one with all the swearing in that you're not allowed to read until you're old enough, on account of all the swearing?"

"The second one."

"Riiiiight."

"I want to show it to my teacher."

"Riiiiight. No. They'll kill me. Kill me to death."

I am not entirely surprised, then, to see the young Duck coming out of school last week, thrusting a copy of my sweary masterpiece under the noses of his classmates with the words:

"See? I told you my dad's famous."

The teachers liked it too, I am told.

* A charming trilogy in three parts about some penguins who live in a chip shop in Weymouth. Will send A4 printouts for cold, hard cash.


Txt = bllx

As I have said many times before - people who use text speak should have their genitals slammed in a car door to prevent them from furthering the human race. Harsh, I agree, but fair. Steps should be taken to wipe out this curse on our society, with the use of automatic weapons and battery acid if required.

Ming, in another place, tells me "My sister is a teacher, and says she often has to correct essays that contain text speak."

Poor the school teachers, faced with crap such as this:

* Alexander the gr8

* "2 B r nt 2 b, tht is the ?" - Hmlt, Wllm Shkspr

* F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng by jrr tlkn

Plz 2 sggst txt vrshuns ov teh clssx

Translation: Your suggestions, please dear readers, of text versions of the classics. Better out than in, I say.

Also: Talk like a Pirate Day - Oh go on then, if you must.