Today, this blog is in a state that can only be described as "tits" and "up".Drink is NOT a factor. Yet.
In a set of circumstances that involved a 100-mile mercy dash in a clapped-out Ford Escort and Scaryduckling being genuinely sick inna hedge, I left my working file of Scaryblog goodies at work, a place I have not seen these last six days.
You might think this A Good Thing, but in terms of blog, I am forced to do without my carefully-crafted Mirth and Woe, and - God help me - actually sit down and write funny-funny-ha-ha-he-he content off-the-cuff.
Gone are the usual finely-honed, beautifully crafted treatises on the workings of my bottom and my - some would say - disturbing fascination for female wobbly parts, and in, alas, is dreadful excuse to resort to punnery.
It has all, dear reader, gone utterly wonkolid*.
Sorry.
Desperate times lead to desperate measures, so this fine Wednesday morning, I bring you THE BOOZE GAME, for which I am not sorry at all because it gives me all the justification I need to do the New Order gag I thought up on the train last Wednesday.
THE BOOZE GAME
Why not, I thought in a drunken fug, take well known song titles, an' booze 'em up with all-new drink-related titles. Y'know: get a song, buy it a Campari and soda, and get it drunk enough to touch its bottom outside the kebab shop on the way home and not get slapped around the face.
Yessssh, thatsh a good idea, cos you're me bessie mate, EVER, an' an' an' YAAAAAAARCH! Nah, I'm alright, God bless ya, I'm awright YAAAAAARCH! Set 'em up, barman, an' a packet of dry roast.
• Thomas Dolby - She Blinded me with Cider
• Spandau Ballet - (She Loved Like) Double Diamond
• Gina G - Ooh Ah, Just a little bitter
• Human League - Don't you want me Babycham
• Althea and Donna - Uptown Lager-top ranking
• Julio Iglesias - Begin the Be-guinness
• Madness - Driving in my Carling
• New Order - Blue Nun Day
Blue Nun Day. Just think - a man had to die for that gag to be told. Give it the decent burial it deserves. Or, you could just think up some more.
* An entirely cromulent word
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