Office Suggestions Box

Office Suggestions Box

Woe upon they day they started a suggestions box. Let's see what the proles want to add to their dreary, pointless existences, then:

* "The car park's too big. Can we have a valet parking service?"

* "Everybody should get their own chicken and a cow to save the company from paying into the canteen. Except the boss, who gets a rooster and the stud bull."

* "Dawn in the PR Office has an incredible pair of baps. Is there any chance she could get them out for the next company newsletter?"

* "Recent studies have shown that shift workers are the most sexually active social group. Could the company provide a slattern budget for the IT Department? Also: Will this be tax-deductible?"

* The company should open a call centre in Basingstoke for the convenience of its Indian customers."

* "CHZBRGR, PLZ"

* "Can we take part in Bring Your Daughter To Work Day? Not having a daughter of my own, I wonder if the company could look into bringing in Nigel Lawson's daughter instead? I understand she's as keen as mustard, and has incredible baps."

* "There is far too much BLASPHEMY and lascivious behaviour in the business. Please resume the floggings."

* "By the time you read this, I'll be in Rio with the petty cash tin, the contents of the stationary cupboard and Donna from Accounts' Mum. So long SUCKERS!"

* "Can we have TV's David Brent to head our sales team? Last I heard, he was out of a job, and he'd go GREAT at the Xmas party."

* The best suggestions in the company suggestions box should win a prize up to and including a night of baby oil fun and games with Dawn from the PR Office with the incredible baps. This will keep us all motivated in a time of uncertain financial markets and not having a steady girlfriend. Have I won?"