It transpires that Jimmy Carr will be doing summer season at the crumbling Weymouth Pavilion theatre this summer. I would - as would many others - rather gouge my eyes out with a spork.
In order to preserve both my sanity and my eyesight, I have made arrangements with some new friends who recently traded in their Ford Mondeo for a genuine WWII Sherman Tank*:
Of course, this extreme and entirely necessary course of action will almost certainly result in the painful and violent deaths of many local citizens and visiting tourists who have paid cash money to see Mr Carr on stage.
And my message to their next of kin is this: They bought the tickets, they knew the risks. Harsh, yet fair.
* Not cockney rhming slang
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