On excellent inventions

On excellent inventions

Hello, I am Scaryduck Junior and I am excellent.

Today, I am here to tell you of my two inventions which will CHANGE THE WORLD

First invention: Pig Sky Diving – Jump out of a plane with a pig strapped to your back. It's the sport of the future.

Don't worry if your pig fails, as you've always got your auxiliary pig if you haven't turned it into a tasty porky snack.

Second invention: Spork-powered TIME MACHINE – Guaranteed 100 per cent success rate!

Scientists are spending a fortune on trying to invent time machines. They are, as my dad says, bloody fools. No matter what you do with particle accelerators and spare bits stolen out of pyramids left by ancient space civilisations, it's never going to work.

The Spork-powered TIME MACHINE has never been known to fail. Stare at the spork for two hours, and when you switch it off, it is A WHOLE TWO HOURS LATER.

The whole concept needs refining, particularly if you try to use it in public, where you will be arrested for looking like a noodle.

Also: Make sure you have a genuine KFC spork, otherwise you will be full of FAIL. Stare at a lower quality foon for two hours, and you will just have stared at a foon for two hours, and get arrested for looking like a noodle. A noodle and a git.

This time next year Rodders, we'll be millionaires.