On the weighty subject of weight

On the weighty subject of weight

Hello. I am Scaryduck Junior and I am excellent. My old Dad - who is a complete CHEESE - has foolishly let me come onto his blog to show how excellent I really am.

This excellent: About nine excellents out of ten.

I saw the other day that SCIENCE has come up with yet another excuse for larger people being bloaters. All I can say - from my top secret underground lab and bakery - is this: What a load of rubbish.

It's easy to see why people put on weight. You see, they aren't fat, it's:

a) big bones
b) water retention
c) a virus
d) me glands
e) metabolisms
f) genetic
g) all of a), b), c), d), e) and f)

When we all know that it is really:

h) pie

Actually, when you come to think about it, perhaps we're being a little harsh on the differently gravitationally-affected of our society.

Pie-lovers have feelings too.

No – hang on. That's 'fillings'.