On the never-ending Battle of the Sexes

On the never-ending Battle of the Sexes

"Never trust a woman," a woman told me recently.

Although slightly side-swiped by this obvious feminine double-bluff, I rallied and replied "Au contraire", impressing nobody with my mastery of the French language.

"Au contraire! Never trust a man."

If she was going to try and bluff her way to a girly victory – well, two can play at that game.

"That's true," she replied "You lot are only ever after one thing."

Ah ha ha ha! Fallen RIGHT into my trap!

What the Queen of wrong doesn't realise is that we're only ever after four five things, and – models of chastity that we are – none of the obvious:

- Carpet slippers
- Sky Sports and/or Men & Motors
- Shed (A man's castle)
- A selection of quality reading material for the toilet
- A little less of your rabbit

Oh yes, and some of your pink, wobbly stuff. For eg: Blancmange. Us blokes like a nice bit of blancmange.

Now, go and wash your mind out with bleach, you filthy cur.


On chickens, again

Mrs Kenn has spoken. The winner of the Name Kenn's Chicken Competition - and the owner of a brand spanking new internet - is Kaptain Von with Princess Layer

Honourable mention: BalmainBoy's Margaret Hatcher

So mote it be.