On I-Spy for grown-ups

On I-Spy for grown-ups

As a posh kid, I was frequently given I-Spy books on subjects such as cars, bird-spotting and trees, scoring points for each object seen.

When you completed the book, you'd send it off and get a spotter's certificate from Big Chief I-Spy, who I strongly suspect may not have actually been of Native American stock, despite his recent relocation to a reservation-stroke-casino in Nevada.

Now that I'm a grown-up, I still quite like the idea of I-Spy – so why not stretch the idea to the adult world, where there is a ready, nostalgic audience to be tapped?

Titles could include "I-Spy on my commute to work"; "I-Spy pubs and nightclubs"; and the one I'm currently working on: "I-Spy Workplace Meetings and Courses"

10 points: The person who asks the most rambling, overlong not-to-the-point-al-all questions and must be destroyed

10 points: The person who asks the most pointless questions, forcing the trainer or boss to repeat the last 15 minutes of the meeting, and must be destroyed

Top Tip: The previous two may actually be the same person, thus scoring double and saving you valuable shallow grave space

20 points: The person who asks the question you were about to ask, thus making you look like a complete plank when you are handed the microphone

25 points: The person who has forgotten to arrange the biscuits, and must be destroyed. By fire

5 points: The person who nods off and snores during the boring bits, and wakes up to find they've got ALL the action points

Top Tip: Write in your own name for this one

50 points: The person who takes copious notes, but in reality is actually writing up a load of stupid shit for his blog.

Top tip: Me again

1,000 points: The person who asks a question during that "Oh God, nobody say anything, or YOU WILL DIE BY MY HAND" pause at 4.55pm when the boss asks "Are there any more questions?", and must be destroyed

When I finish this book, I'm, going to start on my new one: "I-Spy Hedges"