On Turkish Delight

On Turkish Delight


"Turkish Delight?" asks The Fragrant Mrs Duck.

No. I cannot eat Turkish Delight, and I tell her why.

"It's dead people. It's how old people's homes make their money."

You see, that whole Soylent Green thing is a myth. It's actually red, and comes covered in chocolate.

"All the more for me, then," she says in triumph, not knowing what passes between those sweet, sweet lips.

I have not finished.

"And I'll tell you what else they make out of dead people," I say.

Her eyes roll in that well-practiced "here we go" expression.

"I'll tell you what else they make out of dead people," I say as an advertisement for a well-known DIY chain appears on the television, "Loft insulation."

"Right."

"Tesco Value guitar strings. Kebabs. Daniel O'Donnell fans."

"Anything else?"

"The inside of Etch-a-Sketch machines."

And another thing.

"I am not mad."