DORSET'S WESSEX FM

DORSET'S WESSEX FM

The fools. They've let me near the telephone again.

"Hello, Dorset's Wessex FM!"

"Yeah - I'd like to take a guess at your Secret Sound."

The DJ plays a well-worn sound effect of a distant clanking and knocking.

"Off you go then - for £300, what d'you reckon it is?"

"Have you got a naked Dannii Minogue tied up under your stairs and she's trying to tap out an SOS on the central heating pipes?"

"You disgust me."

"Cheryl Cole, then?"

*click*

Later....

"Hello, Dorset's Wessex FM!"

"Yeah - it's about your Harry Potter phone-in."

"Off you go then - what would you do if you had an invisibility cloak for the day?"

"For starters, I'd crack one out in the changing rooms in New Look."

"You disgust me."

"In fact, I'd crack one out in the changing rooms at Monsoon an' all. You can't beat a good bit of yummy mummy."

"You disgust me."

"And then - sod the ASBO - I'd have a guilty one in Evans..."

*click*

"Hello? Could you play something by Phil Collins? Hello?"

No wonder commercial radio's on its arse.