FIND A JOB FOR AN UNEMPLOYED SCUD WRITER

FIND A JOB FOR AN UNEMPLOYED SCUD WRITER

The recession and government cuts are biting hard.

But no profession has been harder hit than that of Blurb Writer for the adult magazine trade.

Face it, now that there are unlimited supplies of free scud lying around on the internets (although I only have the vaguest notion as to where it is located), nobody buys printed gentlemen's leisure pamphlets any more. This means the finely-crafted six-page magazine layout with "come hither" blurb written by hard-working, experienced magazine sub-editors a dying art.

"Recently divorced Stephanie likes Indian takeaways, shopping for shoes, pole-dancing and threesomes. WITH YOU"

And

"Sultry Janie wonders how long it might take for you to get to her house. She also likes dogs and threesomes."

Big Society or no, the way things are going, these skills will be lost to our economy forever.

Where, then, can these highly skilled wordsmiths find gainful employ? Blurb is seriously out-of-bounds in this modern world of internet jazz, so these poor wretches have to be given work somewhere.

I'm suggesting roadsign writing. We'll always need roadsigns, and we'll always need people to write succint, eyecatching telling copy.

"Warning: Double bends, threesomes for 3/4 mile"

"Sexy MILF, low bridge, threesomes ahead"

"Thames Water wishes to apologise to the disruption to your journey caused by these essential rimjobs"

A win-win, I think you'll agree.