HOMEOPATHIC WATER

HOMEOPATHIC WATER

There are times when you wake up in the middle of the night with a new idea, where your cries of "Eureka!" wake up the entire household, and you cannot get back to sleep until you commit your brainwave to paper.

And this was one of those nights where I was hit square between the frontal lobes with a concept that will CHANGE THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.

And it is this: HOMEOPATHIC WATER

You take some water. And you dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it, dilute it and shake it until only the memory of the water reamins. Then you put it in a little sugar pill and sell them for a fiver each.

"Ah-ha!" I hear you say, "What - exactly - do you dilute the water in, clever trousers?"

And I reply: "A really big bucket."

So you facepalm and ask again: "What liquid do you use to dilute the water?"

That, I am afraid, is a professional secret to stop the crooks from BIG PHARMA getting their filthy hands on this landmark product.

Think of the potential:

* People with rabies
* People who are planning on getting stuck in a desert
* Firemen who need access to ALL THE WATER IN THE WORLD but only have very, very small fire engines due to fair and progressive Big Society budget cuts
* The National Association of Homeopathic Swimmers
* Homeopathic coffee drinkers
* Homeopathic Holy Water - two useless concepts for the price of one!

This time next year, Rodders, we'll be homeopathic millionaires.

No, hang on, that's not right.