In which I do not collect novelty bottle stoppers

In which I do not collect novelty bottle stoppers

Let me make this absolutely clear: I DO NOT COLLECT NOVELTY BOTTLE STOPPERS

I admit I once bought a novelty bottle stopper with a duck on it from a local kitchen shop, but this was simply to stop a bottle of wine from going off, and for NO OTHER REASON.

However, people who come into my kitchen clap eyes on the novelty bottle stopper with a duck, and are now convinced that I collect novelty bottle stoppers. This means that come every birthday and Christmas I am deluged with the things. come every birthday and Christmas.

People return from holidays with novelty bottle stoppers from Spanish resorts with all kinds of animals birds and cartoon characters. I even have one with my name spelled wrong on it. I now have many novelty bottle stoppers despite the fact that I do not collect novelty bottle stoppers.

So, to summarise: I DO NOT COLLECT NOVELTY BOTTLE STOPPERS. If I receive any novelty bottle stoppers to the usual address, they will be returned yo you in a package marked "Hamster butt plugs: For export only".

There.