On scrap metal

On scrap metal

We note with some interest from THE ACTUAL NEWS that some £770million worth of metal is stolen annually in this country on account of the soaring price of scrap.

That's an awful lot of drain covers and church roofs.

And that's got me thinking. It's oh-so-easy to make a bit of money selling on your old jewelery to rip-off companies through these cash-for-gold websites - why not take it a step further?

And that's when we noticed that www.cashforstolenscrapmetal.com is still available, and in our opinion, it's an absolute - oh-ho! - cast iron business model.

Although - let's be honest - the business is called 'being a fence'. But with the Old Bill keeping an eye on every scrap metal merchant in the country (who are, I am at pains to point out, are 100% legitimate businesses, and not the kind of person who'd shove you in the boot of an old Jaguar and squeeze you down to the size of a suitcase the second you cross them), the entrepreneurial scrap metal liberator has got to get shot of his hard-earned gains somehow.

So, if you're in the business of ripping the roof off pensioners' homes and nicking road signs on dangerous bends, look out for our collection points behind dodgy pubs and industrial units everywhere. But you never saw us, right?

Coming soon: We Buy Any Stolen Car Dot Com

This time next year, Rodders...