On accidentally encouraging a celebrity to poo through his neighbour's letterbox

Stuart Baggs. Businessman. TV personality. Bloke.

And by way of a guilty pleasure, I have been following the living legend that is Stuart "The Brand" Baggs on Facebook. Alan Sugar's arch-nemesis from The Apprentice genuinely funny, and - as they say - excellent value for money, even if you may not agree with some (most) of the things he says. He is also, according to a recent update, having problems with his neighbours:

A special mention this morning to the twat living above playing Slade - Merry Christmas Everybody on repeat, all. Night. Long. FFS.

It is only right - as a loyal follower of The Brand - that I offer my new pal a bit of advice based on my years of experience acting like an enormous nobber. I think you know what's coming:

Me: Poo through his letterbox, it's the only language these curs understand

Baggs: Going to pay him a visit now, wish me luck!

Me: Good luck Stuart. Don't forget to take something to stand on if the letterbox is quite a way up the door.

"Stuart Baggs likes this"

And then, remembering that Baggs is a successful businessman, always with an eye on a profit, I offer him this unique business opportunity:

Also, you might need your R&D people to design some sort of letterbox-holding-open thing that also doubles as a poop chute. Once tested in the field, take it on Dragon's Den to further increase your media profile. It's a win-win!

"Stuart Baggs likes this"

Also also, if this poop chute idea really takes off we might want to buy a hefty bunch of shares in Carpet Right and Dyson. We're making a bad thing good, people!

This time next year, Baggsy, we'll be millionaires.