Unexpected item in bagging area

Sainsburys. The supermarket of champions, where I have completed my selections (box of own-brand nurofen and six-pack of Twiglets) and I head for the self-service till.

"Do you have your own bags?" the friendly machine voice asks.

Yes. Yes I have.

"Please place your bag in the bagging area."

I place my bag in the bagging area.

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Well, excuse me while I go absolutely bloody flippy.

"AAAAAARGH!" I say. "AAAAAAARGH!"

"You asked me to put my bag in the bagging area, I put my bag in the bagging area, then when I put my bag in the bagging area you have the front to tell me you weren't expecting a bag in the bagging area.

"Just let me put my bag in the bagging area, or I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU TO DEATH."

The self-service till wrangler saw me in my predicament, and came across to help.

"Look, all I want to do is put my bag in the bagging area, and when I put my bag in the bagging area, it tells me there's an unexpected item in the bagging area. PLEASE help me put my bag in the bagging area."

"Oh, it's always doing that," she said in a tone of voice that gave the air she was going to ask if I wanted to rub her tits too, "Would you like to rub my tits too?"

I paid for my Twiglets and left, with just one thought on my mind: "I could get 500 words out of this."

Author's note: Some of this story may be untrue.