A short list of things that I am not allowed to do

With a new relationship comes great responsibility,. While Jane puts up with a great deal of idiocy from me, there are one or two aspects of my behaviour where she has put her foot down. In lieu of starting some sort of argument, we have decided to leave it to you - dear reader - to decide who is right and who is the Queen of Wrongness.

1. Shaking the tree behind our house where Hooty McHooterson the owl lives to see if an owl will come out. I maintain that owls enjoy the odd game of OWL QUAKE and will look up on me as their new pal, because owls are aces.

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2. Going to Ikea, creating a large collection of Ikea pencils from Ikea, openly flaunting my Ikea pencil collection by giving her an Ikea pencil whenever Jane asks if I've got something to write with. Also, going to Ikea, creating a large collection of Ikea pencils from Ikea, and leaving a pencil from Argos just to do their heads in.

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I am not mad.