Library v3.0

Controversy in the otherwise staid world of libraries with the news that self service machines are being installed at that great hub of learning: Bridgwater Library in Somerset

The self service machines, otherwise known as LibraryBot 3000 will enable customers to borrow, renew and purchase books without having to come into contact with humans and their annoying habit of being friendly, helpful and knowledgable about their jobs to such an extent that they know which cowboy books are the porniest.

With the human librarians out on the streets, clutching pieces of cardboard with the words "Will file things under the Dewey Decimal System for food", the world of the public library will be nothing but a dominion for LibraryBot 3000 to enforce silence on its fleshy masters, and making sure that the tramps always seem to be on the free internet machines are sent off for Soylent Green conversion.

The company which won the bid to supply LibraryBot 3000 - The Former Military KillBot and Malfunctioning SexBot Renovation Company (trading as We Buy Any Droid Dot Com) - say the public has not need to be alarmed at former KillBots and SexBots working in public libraries. "We've deactivated most of the weapons and plugged nearly all of the orifices", said a spokesdroid, "Hardly anything can go wrong. Less than a ten per cent chance. DIE FLESHY WEAKLINGS!"

"And yes, we will be stocking Android Karenina. We will only be stocking Android Karenina"