The news that the county of Suffolk has unveiled a disastrous new tourist slogan ("The Curious County") just as the Scottish capital drops the equally terrible "Incrediburgh" in favour of "Winterinedinburgh" at a cost of £300,000, raises the issue of dreadful marketing ideas, and - more importantly - how much money I can make out of them.
It appears that councils are willing to pay out hand-over-fist for idiots to come up with any old cobblers to stick on leaflets and branded biros, and I - for one - want a slice off that sweet, sweet cash.
After a brainstorming session lasting for literally minutes, we've come up with the following, which local councils may wish to include in their tourist literature. For a small ...err... Large fee, of course:
- Wey-hey-hey-mouth
- It's The Isle of Dogs Bollocks!
- Torquay-to-incredible sexual adventures with older women (taking advantage of the area's senior community)
- AMAZINGstoke - Jane's mum is on Basingstoke Council. With a touch of political corruption, we CAN make this happen
- Somaliaaaaaaaaargh-not-the-face
- The Isle of Man (also featuring women)
And let's not forget the county of Berkshire: Home of the famous Cockney rhyming slang Hunt. Sadly, both the Royal County and its famous, sweary Hunt are no more. Bunch of Berkshire Hunts.
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