How to commit the perfect murder

In this modern age of social media, the work of both the police and the press appears to be much easier on account of all the photos idiot would-be criminals leave lying around. The corpse is barely cold these days before a low-quality picture of the suspect appears all over the Daily Mail - drunk if a male, drunk and making a duck face if female, lifted straight out of the old Facebook.

Not good if you're considering a career as a murderer, and here lies my plan for doing the perfect murder. It is - you will be amazed to hear - as easy as 1-2-3: 

1. Change all your Facebook photos to Piers Morgan 

2. Do a murder 

3. Watch as Piers Morgan does 20-to-life for the murder you done 

Utterly foolproof, and if enough potential criminals do this, Morgan will never see the light of day this side of Doomsday. 

No need to thank me.