The Great IKEA Pencil Heist of 2013

"When you go to IKEA this week, don't steal any pencils," said Jane*.

And she is right – stealing pencils from IKEA is naughty, out-of-order and puts prices up.

So, I went to IKEA with my daughter to pull together some furniture for her new student digs, and made a point of not fingering any pencils or paper tape measures.

That being the case, why – when emptying out the pockets of my jacket later that evening following a successful outing that also included an IKEA Swedish meatball dinner – did no less than 12 IKEA pencils emerge?

TWELVE.

Jane gave me THAT look.

We are getting married in less than two weeks, and I am already getting THOSE looks.

Feeling guilty at the actions of a light-fingered daughter (and like some Fagin figure, I might have encouraged this sort of thing a few years ago), I offer these ill-gotten gains to any betting shop that needs them.

Or anybody who's building a fort for a hamster.

* I might point out that Jane is never the bad guy of the piece, and acts solely as the guardian of my morals, for I have none.