On neck muscles

It's not until you pull a muscle in your neck until you realise how heavy the human head is.

Also, it's not until you pull a muscle in your neck that you notice quite how much it hurts, just to do everyday things. Like breathing, for example. Or moving.

It's best just to lie on your back on the floor, moving only to exchange microwaved beanbags.

It's not until you pull a muscle in your neck until you realise how evil Deep Heat is.

Just one tiny little dab and AaaaAAaaargh AAARGH It burns IT BURNS it's the DEVIL'S WORK oh god it burns and ….relax.

Also, bit of local difficulty: My first actual kiss was with a girl called Michelle round the back of the old Deep Heat factory in Twyford. Brings it all back, and that's probably not a great experience when the back of your head is on fire.

That smell of the school cross country. Phwooar.

Sorry.