The Great Creme Egg Scandal

I'm all for reasoned debate and the philosophy of 'live and let live', but not patriotic Briton should stand idly by and let the greatest scandal of the decade play out without taking appropriate action.

I refer - of course - to Cadbury's new American owners changing the recipe for Creme Eggs, saving money by coating them in lower quality chocolate, whilst selling them in multipacks of five instead of six.

If we are all to get diabetes, we want to do it properly, with Creme Eggs coated in Dairy Milk chocolate  and filled with sugary goo the way the Good Lord intended.

Also, they've got to go back to making them the size of ostrich eggs, like they were in the 70s without bumping up the price.

Yes, fellow patriot, we've put up with Americans not being able to spell 'aluminium', 'colour' and 'flavour' for far too long, and we even let them send Piers Morgan back to us with barely a whimper, but NOW IS THE TIME to stand up to this American outrage.

Until we get our Creme Eggs back, I say we go over there and shit in their jacuzzis until they cave in. It's now or never. Creme Eggs, or our country is defeated.