Winning at Hula Hoops, winning at life

I wish they'd stop putting beef-flavoured Hula Hoops in the vending machine at work. Beef-flavoured Hula Hoops are made of rabid potatoes, evil in beef form, and the tormented souls of the dead, which – of course – makes them one of the greatest foodstuffs in the galaxy.

Imagine my surprise when I opened a packet to find this monster.

HULA KONG (Actual size)

I eated it.

But my interest was piqued. Why not make beef-flavoured Hula Hoops in a perfect hoop shape? You could, quite literally, eat them right around the clock. Better still, a two-foot-long Hula Hoop. Beef at one end, ready salted in the middle, cheese and onion at the other. No salt and vinegar, because salt and vinegar Hula Hoops are of Satan.

Or, they could just follow the road taken by the people who make Quavers and make a giant wheelie bin-sized Quaver that weighs half a ton, and caused an industrial accident.

My dream Quaver (Once they've got the blood off)

I'd buy that for a dollar.