The Cheesecake Pledge

Six out of ten for trying, but you're just stock image cheesecake

My mum died fifteen years ago, and I would give actual limbs to taste her Christmas lemon cheesecake one more time.

The picture above - stolen from the internet - doesn't do mum's lemon cheesecake any justice at all, for it was a once-a-year classic that mostly ended up inside me come the slack period between Christmas and the New Year. I would - I pledge - give actually freshly-severed limbs for just one more taste.

That may seem like a pretty extreme statement, but you may rest assured that it probably wouldn't be my own limbs I would be pledging for a tasteof that lemony chocolatey biscuity goodness, because - frankly - I'm still rather attached to them. However, good quality arms and legs are a tough commodity to come by these days and the reader should appreciate the effort I'm putting in.

If you're sitting there counting your arms and legs and worrying that I might have paid a visit in the night with my trust axe, fret no more, for this photograph of a certain notebook has fallen into my possession, thanks to the efforts of my sister.

Yes, that's the actual recipe book, with the actual lemon cheesecake recipe, and actual cooking stains from lemon cheesecake, all in my mum's actual handwriting. Observers will note that like any self-respecting 1970s recipe, it can't be done without heaps of gelatine, the cow- or horse-based product that held the very fabric of British society together back then in the time of the three-day week, the rise of Thatcher, and the Winter of Discontent.

Of course, there was little discontent in the Coleman household during those winter nights, because we had a brand new Kenwood Chef, a Renault 12 on the drive, and All The Cheesecake.

I will make this cheesecake.

I will make this cheesecake, vegetarian substitutions and 21st Century ingredients notwithstanding. Then I shall report back, complaining that I am a rubbish chef despite all the cooking skills Miss Orton tried to teach into me back at school, but still full of cheesecake and chocolate biscuits, because I bought two packets "just in case".

Or, somebody could just come round my house and make it for me. I'm not fussed, but I'll have fresh limbs for barter if you need them.