JURASSIC OTTER

To the New Forest Safari Park, a cavalcade of signs in Comic Sans (The Font of Champions), but we are immediately grabbed by this sign:

NO THAT DOES NOT SAY OTTER PENIS.

However, there is a promise of GIANT OTTER and where do I pay my money to see the giant otter, please just take my money.

Instead, we are ushered to an area where all we can see are normal-sized otters. This is a bit of a let-down and Jane asks a keeper whether this legendary giant otter is - in fact- several normal-sized otters wearing a zip-up giant otter costume.

"No," the keeper replies, "They are not."

We believe her not.

And then...

BOOM - BOOM - BOOM - "FIIIIIIIIIIIIIISHHHHHHHHH"

They are here, and they are frankly massive and not half a dozen normal-sized otters in a zip-up giant otter suits. Jurassic otter. Just don't let them see you.

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISHHHHHHHH"

Oh shit.

And in case you think they're the result of a cruel medical experiment by some sort of mad scientist trying to unleash genetically designed killer otters on an unsuspecting world, here's all the evidence you need:

Designed. Not evolved. QED.

And it's not just concrete, bulletproof Jurassic otters eating your face off. It's the bunnies too.

Watch out. They're bastards.