Tuesday, March 25, 2008

On being a public disgrace

On being a public disgrace

Today's playlist: The Pretenders – Brass in Pocket.

Ok, fine, so it's a passable song. However, whenever I hear it, commercial radio staple that it is, I get urges. Dreadful, anti-social, embarrassing urges.

Whenever Brass in Pocket comes into earshot, I have to sing along. I know full well that I cannot sing (describing myself, like Stephen Fry, as not only being tone deaf but also tone dumb), but I cannot help myself.

It's as I get to the chorus that the trouble starts. It's the word "special", for I cannot stop myself from pressing tongue to lower lip and, well, belming. "Special", you understand, in the "Special Bus" context.

To whit: "I'm special (special), so special (special) / something somethingty something / give it to meeeeee"

As offensive behaviour goes, it is neither big nor clever, and particularly not whilst standing in the queue for the tills in Superdrug. If I were Pretenders singer Chrissie Hyde, I'd be torn between staying at home and playing with my breasts, or storming down to Weymouth to biff me in the conker.

But I simply cannot help myself, and for this I shall burn in Hell.

So: Last Saturday in the Weymouth branch of Woolworths, eyeing up the latest Wii releases, and my lips start moving involuntarily to the words:

"Gonna use my arms / Gonna use my legs / Gonna press my tongue into my lower lip…"

"Don't you DARE" said me lovely wife.

I dared. I'm not proud.

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