Thursday, September 10, 2009

On things you should ask Derek Acorah if you really, really want to annoy him

On things you should ask Derek Acorah if you really, really want to annoy him

A short list of things you should ask Derek Acorah if you really, really want to annoy him:

- "Why don't you get ghosts in hospitals?"

- "Do you get ghost dogs? What about goldfish? I swear my fish tank's haunted." (Answer, according to D. Acorah himself, is 'Yes'. In fact ghost dogs speak to Derek through spirit guide Sam. They go 'Woof woof woof')

- "Why was it – when you filmed a Most Haunted in the Netherlands – all the ghosts spoke English?"

- "Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead – does he have a message from the other side?"

"How's Kreed Kafer?"

- "Zombies, right? They're technically dead. Do they have ghosts as well as the physical body they're shambling about in, clamouring for brains? What about vampires?"

- "Do ghosts do the sex? Do they? What's ghost porn like? Can you, like, lay your hands on some for me?"

- "When you do live stage shows, do all the grannies smell of wee?"

You: "Could you ask my Aunty Marge what she did with the money in the teapot?"
Acorah: "I'll ask my spirit guide Sam to try to contact her, how long has she been dead?"
You: "She's not. She's got a bungalow in Birkenhead and doesn't talk to us any more."

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