With December 25th creeping up on us like a big, stalky festive leopard, it is sad to see political correctness taking hold and banning the use of the C-word. No, not that C-word. The other one. Christmas.Alas, with 'Christmas' replaced with 'Winter Holiday', 'The Festive Season', 'December Sick Inna Hedgemas' - or worse – 'Winterval', it is time to make a stand.
Political Correctness has, indeed, gone mad, and the only effective remedy is to be even madder. Political Correctness Gone Mad On Acid.
I propose then that any event designed to celebrate The Holiday That Falls On The 25th December Each Year That Cannot Be Mentioned Just In Case We Offend Scimitar-Wielding Foreign Types Who'd Shit In Your Airing Cupboard Given Half The Chance be renamed to something that is equally, if not more, offensive.
So, if we're not allowed to mention poor, dead, then not dead Jesus: You are cordially invited to the office Kenny Everett birthday party.
Take a look at the facts surrounding the life of Cuddly Ken:
* Born: 25th December in Seaforth (Twin town: Bethlehem)
* Died around Easter
* Crucified by radio station bosses, frequently
* Had a beard
* Liked to hang around other men with beards
* His most famous words, which are still quoted by millions ("Round 'em up, put 'em in a field, and BOMB THE BASTARDS!"), are not dissimilar to much of the smiting that goes on in the bible
Unlike Jesus, he had a sidekick with enormous bosoms, but Christianity's loss is variety's gain, and therefore makes our Ken-mas party all the more fun.
Alas, music by 25th December birthday girl Dido. Sorry.
Also: The internet's Cliff Jones writes for Newsbiscuit
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