School report time

To work, where I receive a cunningly-worded invitation to complete my own annual appraisal form, as per the prophecy.

As I fill it in, trying to find a balance between rampant self-promotion, modesty and out-and-out finger-pointing over that business with the septic tank, I finally come up with a number of objectives which I am expected to achieve over the coming year.

"Don't be a git" is not one of them.

Then, there comes the all-important bench-mark question: "What will success look like?"

A tough one. Who can visualise what - exactly - success will look like at the end of another hard year, nose to the grind-stone? I wrack my brains for what must have been several nano-seconds, and come up with the correct answer:

"A smug goose smoking a cigar and wearing a stove-pipe hat"

I also draw them a nice picture, so we can see if my prediction comes true.

Another excellent school report, then.