SUGGESTIONS BOX

We haven't looked in the company staff suggestion box for a while. Let's see what the proles have come up with.

SUGGESTION: I notice you recently set up a non-demoninational prayer room for the religious people who work here. As an atheist, can we have an anti-prayer room? I'd like official permission to go there five times a day, and read Zoo magazine without fear of persecution for my non-beliefs for which I am threatened - almost daily - with the eternal flames of a non-existent Hell. If you DO insist that I use the non-prayer room to worship something, may I humbly suggest Will's hot mum from The Inbetweeners?

RESPONSE: You've had an anti-prayer room for at least ten years now. It's called the "Social Club Bar", at which I note you spend several hours each day taking the unholy waters, and blaspheming about your gods (me) in no uncertain terms. For eg: "He's a sadistic bastard, and I'm certain there are bodies under the new speed bumps in the car park." Mine's a pint, and I notice cars are still driving too fast on site.

So good that we can make a positive contribution round this place without having to resort to direct death threats for a change.