Taking the pi... mickey

Some years ago, before the internet happened, I used to buy a lot of magazines. Once I finished reading them, I would take them to work and leave them for my colleagues to read. A few other co-workers did the same, recycling at its finest.

After a while, I noticed that I was the only person bringing in magazines, which would disappear almost as quickly as I brought them in.

It came to a head one afternoon, when I was asked "Hey - when you are bringing in this month's Viz comic?" I pointed out it was still in the shop if he really wanted to read it, and never left a magazine for colleagues again.

I didn't learn, for I also found out I was the only person bringing in tea and coffee for the tea and coffee swindle. Returning to work after a week off, the first thing I saw was a (now former) colleague complaining bitterly that there were "No effing teabags left". I decided there and then I would no longer be a - oh-ho! - mug, and the free tree supply soon dried up.

And it's happening again.

"Oi! Coleman! Where are the amphetamines?"

That's it. Get your own drugs.