EDL FACTS

They're everybody's favourite comedy racists! But did you know these 100 per cent TRUE FACTS about the English Defence League?

1. In Japanese, "EDL" translates as "Funny fat man with small penis"

2. In recent scientifically controlled tests, only 19% of EDL members could spell "Defence"

3. Current EDL campaigns include a letter-writing campaign to Vladimir Putin to make the capital of Russia sound "a little less like Mosque"

4. Celebrity EDL supporters include: Nobody famous, at all.

5. The EDL is against the wearing of the burka in public. "It's wrong to have people hiding their face on the street, innit" said one activist from behind his EDL balaclava.

6. The organisation is at pains to point out that they're not racist. They hate everybody equally. Including themselves.

7. This is fact number seven. Only 3% of EDL members can count this high.

8. Once the EDL have achieved victory is stopping Sharia in all its forms in the United Kingdom, they will move on to a new, more pressing target which they call "Fuck you Buddha, you pie-eating peado"

9. Many accuse EDL marches of being nothing but an excuse for hooligans to get together, smash up pubs and Sieg Heil at anybody who looks a bit foreign. This is – in fact – all part of a trance state of ultra-patriotism that all members must attain before being accepted into the fold

10. Caught doing a Sieg Heil salute in public? Laugh it off by saying that you were waving to a friend on the other side of the road, who is also a Nazi.

Interested in joining the EDL? Think Britain can be saved by standing in the street with a can of (Jamaican) Red Stripe, calling passers-by peadeophiles in front of their kids? Congratulations, patriot! Dial 999, and when prompted tell the operator the secret pass-phrase "I want to hand myself in".

More FACTS about the EDL HERE