Friday, September 18, 2015

Root Beer: A Warning From History

Just say "NO", kids
For years - and I really do mean years - my son has expressed a desire to try out root beer. I suppose it's the name - it sounds "cool" and it has the word "beer" in it and it's a part of American culture that just hasn't taken root over here, pun not intended.

He's now 19, and when I saw it on the international shelf in Tesco last week, I parted with far too much money to buy a bottle, direct from the bottom of a swamp somewhere in the continental USA.

So, on a recent dad-and-son evening, we slapped on a film [Interstellar. SPOILER: It's very very long, mainly because you're watching from outside of the black hole], and popped the cap on the bottle and tried root beer for the first time.

SPOILER: Don't bother waiting over ten years to try root beer. Buy a bottle of Listerine, put it through and sodastream, then drink. Then enjoy the rest of the day with minty-fresh breath, knowing that you've experienced the worst that it can actually get.

America, you're a disgrace. Root beer? Shit beer, more like.

Today's task: Soaking cardboard in toilet water and comparing the results in a direct taste test with Hershey Bars. We fully expect the cardboard to be the winner.

UPDATE: "I actually kind of liked it," says Adam. Gulp.
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6 comments:

  1. TRT10:01 am

    A visit to the dentist ends in a root beer rinse. I can verify, after having tasted the stuff both here and in the USA, that your assessment is 100% accurate.

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  2. Unknown12:01 am

    I seem to remember glugging gallons of the stuff while camping at RAF Wethersfield with the scouts back in the mid 70's. Not sure if you were at that camp or not. A fair quantity of grape soda was also quaffed by impressionable 12 and 13 year old's along with other exotic American delights of dubious provenance. On a related topic, if you can get hold of Jolt Cola it is worth experiencing, if only the once. The original recipe would leave you buzzing from a ludicrous caffeine rush allied to a diabetes inducing sugar hit. You have been warned!

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  3. Flaxen Saxon10:04 am

    In between degrees I worked in a place that made this shit. Not for drinking, should be placed on open wounds.

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  4. Mr Larrington7:52 am

    I have been in Leftpondia for a fortnight - both USAnia and Canuckistan - and cannot for the life of me recall having seen it anywhere. Perhaps it's one of those thing that they prefer to export. See also "Lewis, Jerry", "Action, Police" and "Governments (Foreign), Overthrow of".

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  5. TRT4:58 pm

    Who's betting that the next tale will be one of teenage vomit woe in a school lesson? History: A warning from root beer.
    Or something.

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  6. Barry3:44 pm

    I personally like root beer, the best American ones are Dads, Barqs and A&W. I also remember years ago you could get it in McDonalds over here.

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