Wednesday, February 20, 2008

On a new Scaryduck computer game

On a new Scaryduck computer game

A couple of years ago, one of my readers sat down and - with far, far too much time on his hands - produced a Scaryduck computer game. It was called 'Done a Poo' and featured a) poo and b) Sarah Beeny and was c) excellent.

Now, the world's greatest living non-Bummy Welshman, Rik "H" Aitch, tells me he is itching to produce another Scaryduck computer game.

Rik - who used to design fruit machines for a living and is the living, breathing inventor of a vending machine that cooks chips using only the power of 15kg of weapons-grade plutonium - is keen to use his powers for good rather than for evil.

All he needs is some kind of angle, and that, dear reader, is where you come in. I am minded to call the game 'Scaryduck2: Done an egg' with a degree of difficulty that precludes the use of faeces in the finished product.

A slight diversion:

As it happens, our conversation on the potential design for the proposed duck shoot went off on a bit of a tangent and ended up in the shady world of celebrity rumour and - I must point out here for legal reasons - complete and utter untruth:

Me: "Max Boyce is gay? Where's your proof?"

Him: "I know, because I WAS THERE"

I refuse to believe that the third greatest living Welshman eschews the Way of the Sheep. This is clearly the work of foul slanderers and rumourmongers, working to discredit Welsh national culture and the tradition of a grown man standing on stage with a large papier mache leek, singing about the joys of steaming rugby players.

However, digging a little deeper than was absolutely necessary, I find that a Channel Four TV special he made in 1982 entitled 'Max Boyce Meets the Dallas Cowboys' offers all the proof you will ever need.

Straight as a die, boyo.

Diversion: ENDS
Back to the game: Rik insists that my opinion counts for nothing, and he will listen only to your input for this potential work of art. Somebody PLEASE say "heaving bosoms", because, if you ask me, a computer game featuring heaving bosoms is what the world has sadly lacked since Samantha Fox Strip Poker disappeared from the shelves. And anything - anything - to prevent Rik's planned game levels, which range from "Slightly constipated" to "Positive Diarrhoea" via the joys of "Flowing freely".

So: Speak your brains! This is going to be the Best Christmas Walford's Ever Seen the best computer game ever.

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