I get email.
And what an email it is.
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And here it is in full:
Attention: Dear Customer,
We need to confirm that this is Truth Before the bank will Release Your Funds to one Jennifer Scott. This Office was contacted by one Jennifer Scott, From Canada Who Claim to be Your Partner she Promise to finalize everything regarding your Claim as Your Next Of Kin. she said that you were Involved In A car Accident Last year December 20014 and Die without providing a death certificate.We need to confirm that you are truly dead before we can Release the Fund to her. We Believed That You are Dead But As a Federal Office We need a Proof for Record Purposes Before We Can Release the Funds To her Therefore, Your Silent is a Clear Proof That you Are Dead. Note we will commence On the Release of your Funds To your Next Of Kin from next week if we do not hear from you, May your Soul Rest in Perfect Peace Amen.RegardsMr.Paul WalterDirector Debt reconciliation DepartmentCBN
I know what you're thinking: "Poor, dead Alistair, he was aces."
But here's the rub, I'M NOT DEAD.
Luckily, my pals at Google Mail have come up with a warning just in case I am irredeemably stupid:
Be careful with this message. Similar messages have been used to steal people's personal information. Unless you trust the sender, don't click on links or reply with personal information
Now, we're all sensible people who don't fall for scams, so if you'll be so kind to all send me £400 to prove you are not dead, let us go our separate ways.